I wrote this for a class. I had to give a self-analysis of how I communicate.
I have a strange and unique relationship with communication. Largely, I dislike communicating with real people in the real world. Because of that I often feel socially awkward and self-conscious. There are very few people whom I would like to get to know and open myself up to. I am shy and since I have been on this earth, I have had very few real friends. I often lost touch with the friends I had; they either moved away or we grew apart. Another thing about me and communication is that I am often afraid to share my feelings and interests with certain people; those people are mostly strangers, but occasionally there are things about myself that I would rather not tell members of my own family no matter how much want to hear it. This essay will go more in-depth with everything I have mentioned above.
I am a very shy individual. I tend to keep to myself, and I do not have many extensive interactions with people other than my immediate family. My mother, father, brother, and sister are the people to whom I am closest and most comfortable with. The only person I believe is my most consistent and closest friend is my second cousin; yet, despite that, we are not as close as I would like us to be.
My second cousin is the relative I know of that is closest to my age. She was born exactly three weeks after me. She lives in a suburb that is an approximately twenty drive from my home. When my sibling and I were younger, we would hang out every now and then. My cousin was very fun to be around. She often showed us around her neighborhood, and we loved hearing tell funny stories wither about her life, her school, and even her stuffed animals. I was close to her because we were close in age, and she was family.
When my second cousin and I began high school, I thought that we could get even closer since for the first time in our lives we attended the same school. I would see her at school most days, but we did not have the opportunity to speak to each other most of the time since we never shared any classes or the same lunch period. Also, another thing that caused us to never be able to talk very often to one another very often was my own shyness to other people. Occasionally, I would see my cousin talk to her schoolmates, but I was too shy to talk to them. Most of the time my cousin and I would talk over the phone about our lives in general; that was the only time we extensively interacted with one another.
When we graduated high school, we went to separate colleges, and as a result we spent less time together. At times we would call, text, and talk to each other on Facebook. However, communicating via electronic means cannot always make for a lack of physical face-to-face interactions, which makes me wish I had other friends whom I could communicate with so that there will always be someone for me to spend time with. I think having more friends would make me a happier person because I could improve my communication skills, have a greater number of meaningful and fulfilling relationships, and always have someone to hang out with at any given time. Nowadays, my second cousin and I are rarely see each other physically and she is about to move to Tennessee to continue her college education. We both have lives and obligations of our own, and as life often is, they diverge.
One of the results of my social anxiety and apprehension towards communicating with most people is that I am afraid to share my feeling a lot of the time; my inclination towards being shy about information about myself is so comprehensive that it manifests physically. I often have a blank expression on my face. In addition, I speak in a deep, nasally, and monotone voice; my speaking voice rarely goes up and down, and it generally lacks expression. My parents often tell me to speak with more emotion in my voice. They say that it will improve my communication skills by making me more interesting to listen to and to help people feel as though I truly care about other people, what they ask/expect of me, and what they have to say. I think deep down on a subconscious and conscious level I am afraid that people will think less of me because of my feeling. I also think that I behave in an emotionally vacant manner because I do not want most people to get close to me.
In conclusion, I have analyzed my issues with communication. I have made a personal vow to communicate better and use those improved skills to gain social interactions and ultimately greater personal fulfillment and happiness.