I began this short film sometime in early 2011. Maybe it was about February or March. I don’t know. I don’t remember And I suppose that does not really matter in the grand scheme of things. As I have said before, I had been thinking about The Eccentrics since the fall of 2007. However, other than some episode titles, I had never written down any stories for them. They were all stored in my brain. At that time in early 2011, I finally wrote down one episode idea. It involved Riley and her brother Zeke and a conflict between the two of them. However, it was incomplete. I had only written the first scene. I knew that I had not yet developed everything enough to write a full episode. Therefore, I just wrote that draft the best I could.
Many months later, I shared this on the forum. I received a rather poor response. One was that it was hilariously awful. Another comment was that the dialogue was too unrealistic. One was that the entire premise was too implausible. All of that really distressed me.
A couple of months later, I made a forum post about how I find it so hard to make a story plausible enough to allow for willing suspension of disbelief; I felt that having to stay within the bounds of reality was stifling to the creative processes, and that doing so was so frustrating that I felt that I should steal people’s life stories, so that I can guarantee that the story is realistic. Other forum users responded. One person said that it seems as though I can’t decided whether I want the story to be plausible or not and the MacGuffin, if it can be called that, of the story was implausible along with the dialogue. I re-posted my screenplay as well as the entire summary of planned storyline for it and I asked for advice and asked the user how he would have written the story. He said that there was no way to fix the plot because of the MacGuffin. I got the idea that he felt my screenplay was devoid of substance and that I didn’t see; he said that he never said it had no substance, though in my mind at least, if a story can’t be improved, then it has nothing of value. Another user then basically broke down party by part what I had completed of the story, saying that the dialogue was vapid, choppy and old-fashioned; that Riley’s actions were implausible; and that the story had undeveloped characters and huge plot holes. Another person suggested advice that I should use contractions in my dialogue; he also said that my MacGuffin was poor, which echoed the rest of the sentiment concerning the MacGuffin and that I should change it.
I decided to finish the story and change the dialogue to make it more realistic, but in the meantime, I will share with all of you my summary and that draft that I had shared with that forum. I hope you can recognize the MacGuffin, if it can be called that, and everything that was wrong with this incomplete first draft.
A girl is upset that her brother used her socks to masturbate with. Later on as he accuses her of making too big of a deal about it, she decides to get revenge by using his electric toothbrush to masturbate with. Later her ex-boyfriend tells her that he thinks he has an STD and that she should get herself checked. All of a sudden she begins to feel guilty about the possibility that she exposed her own brother to an STD. Then her brother starts complaining of symptoms and she feels worse. She confesses what she did. Then her brother reveals that he heard her using his toothbrush, and also overheard her telling her friend about possibly having an STD. He lied about having symptoms to teach her a lesson. Then she goes to the doctor and finds that she has no STD and is also told that STDs cannot be spread via toothbrushes as the bacteria cannot survive outside the body.
INT. RILEY’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Riley walks into her bedroom wearing a bathrobe and shower cap. She goes into her drawers and picks up some clothes. She sees looks at a pair of her socks, drops the rest of her clothing and storms into her brother Zeke’s room. Zeke is sitting at his computer. Riley turns his chair around and show him her sock.
What is this?
Don’t play dumb? What is this stain on my sock.
I thought it was mine. Then I realized it wasn’t, but it was so soft I kept on…
Say no more! That is so gross. Now my sock is ruined and I spent a lot of money from them.
Well, it was stupid to buy socks for 200 dollars.
You didn’t see the woman who sold them to me. Her boyfriend got her pregnant and left her four times. She was broke and desperate. But anyway, that doesn’t change how I feel. Use your own socks or articles of clothing next time.
Riley walks out of the room